Where Do I Want to Be?

I’ve been asking myself what I want to become or where I want to be for over a year now. What are my passions and what am I fascinated by? What are my dreams. No, wait – I haven’t only been asking myself those questions. I’ve asked family, friends, Google, quizzes on majors and a bunch of people I hardly know.

Is it really that easy to decide what you want to do with your life? Your life, your decision – yes. But, is it easy?

I Wish I Could

I wish I could go to a place where no one would no me. I wonder what it would feel like to be surrounded by tens of alien faces, to not understand their language, to completely rely on hand gestures and facial expressions.

I wish I could know. I wonder what it would feel like to forget Kant, to leave behind a trail of words and not to look behind. I wish I could tell how it would feel to forget about the bloodshed – would I feel liberated or just…void? I wish I could tell you could tell you how I feel without being selfish.

How would it feel to leave this place? I wish I could be someplace where I wouldn’t have to rely on cellular connections or social networking sites. How would it feel to know a soul without any aid of the virtual world? And to rely completely on legs and bicycles – how would that be?

How would my taste buds reciprocate to the fish I just fried? Do you know I caught it all by myself?

I wish I could tell.

How does it feel to cry out of joy and not to have sore eyes because of flashbacks? How would it feel not have your head hurt constantly? Must be good. I wish I could go some place where I would not know anyone. I wouldn’t know anyone, but I still wouldn’t feel alone. Yes, someplace like that. I wonder how it would feel to sail under the clear sky, maybe for hours. I wish I could tell you how it feels to sit idle on a blue chair and stare at the people passing by and not how it feels to sit in front of a screen and watch people turn their backs on me.

I wish I could write with black ink on an old dog-eared paper and post it to you. Would the long wait for a reply be sweet or agonizing? I want to know.

I wish I could forget everything for a little while – everything I read, everything I screamed, everything you did, everything they said.

I wish I could disappear to somewhere unknown. Only for a little while.

I wish  I could.

Country and Self Interest…Rate

To Whom It May Concern,

Bangladesh’s political situation is both hilarious and disappointing. Its economic situation – just plain heartbreaking. But,  you must love the people, at least most of us.

We are such an interesting bunch. Pebbles, stones, coal, sand and whatnot in a mixer on a highway with a painted zebra crossing. We lost our minds long ago. We drew our swords for freedom and then somewhere along the road decided to terrorize our own with those very swords.  We are just a small country with big issues. You don’t say. We sneer at he woman walking on the road and ignore the man pissing on the sidewalk. We litter all over the road and then complain that our streets are too dirty. We settle in far away lands and discuss how our country has no hope. We like to adopt western attires and refuse to flash a friendly smile to any stranger. We let others build environmentally disastrous structures around our country and flaunt how its going to help us. We burn people alive and turn the country upside down for a single corrupted being while thousands die each year due to murders and assaults.

We do some many things and so many others.

Ignorantly,

A mass population.

Approving

From a very young age we are taught that when others approve of what you have said or done, only then you’ve done  a decent or excellent job. Here and there, we start looking for approval. The objective of almost everything we do or say revolves around others approval.For instance, I’m writing this right now and no matter much I say I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass-about-what-you-think, I am seeking your approval in some way.

(YOU CAN SKIP THIS PART IF YOU WANT)  I must confess that I am little too active on Facebook (in my defense, I’m on a gap year with no funds for travelling and I have nothing to do most nights). I tend post a lot someday and go MIA at times. You can find notoriously personal and non-personal things on my profile all the (frickin’) time. I’m not sure if I should curse myself or find solace in assuming I can make someone think for even only a split second. I’m lame, and I’m fully aware of that. Why am I saying all this? Why of course because of the “like button”. Would you consider that “like” option on Facebook to be a form of social approval?  Correct me if I’m wrong, but people don’t seem to like to be reminded of the degree to which how sexist our society is. People love new music videos. Erm, to be completely honest, I don’t like seeing to many religious things on my news feed (yes, I understand how everything I do is taking me to Hell); don’t get me wrong – once in a while is fine, but every five minutes, really?

Random: I get more likes for any song than I ever get for anything related to social or political issues. Oh, and stop talking about how I blow off my steam on social media and pay attention to other non-personal things I talk about. Thanks.

Why do we waste so much time after what people think? Can quote Dr. Seuss now? Asking for approval here.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

I know how bitter it feels when one thinks whatever you do, you won’t ever be good enough. That you won’t ever be able to fulfill all of the expectations around you. That you won’t be able to live up to the mark.

Not socially acceptable, lets never discuss rape. Gay marriage? Hell no, I would rather have an extramarital affair. So, you are starting college after a gap year, you must be dumb as shit. You’re right, I shouldn’t talk about the hermaphrodite population of our country because they don’t fall in either of the sexes and little girls shouldn’t talk about such things. (For my friends who don’t get sarcasm, note: sarcasm.)

Right now, I can’t claim to be completely oblivion of what others think of me and the things I do or say but I’m trying o change that. I’ve been trying to change that for quite some time now and I won’t be wrong when I say I’ve had some success with it over the run. There is no feeling compare when you live up to your own expectations. Or when your own competition is your previous self.

Why should you not seek others’ approval?

Happiness starts with self contentment.

There are too many people around you and if you decide to work only with each and every person’s consent, you can bid adieu to your dreams/goals/ whatever you may call it. Life?

You can voice the things or do the things that YOU are actually passionate about.

Much less time-consuming (yes, it’s true).

It feels good.